So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
