I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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