Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
