would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
