Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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