my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
