My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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