i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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