Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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