Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
