Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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