I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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