My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
