Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
