You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
