I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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