Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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