in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize