If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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