after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
