woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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