there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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