So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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