I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
