someone owes me an orgasm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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