I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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