I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
