You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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