My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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