I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wakey wakey hands off snakey
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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