Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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