I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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