david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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