i barfeds in our rink
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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