What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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