I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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