I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize