You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
