I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
