I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
