According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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