I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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