if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
