Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
