i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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