So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
