I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
