i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can't special order awesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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