I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
