The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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