Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
