Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
