Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize