so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
