I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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