Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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