my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
