I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
