So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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