apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
