I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
