Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just cropdusted the office
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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