Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
