You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
