guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
