Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
