can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
